Drawing on a difficult experience in an important relationship, Rick Hanson reflects on what happened when he shifted his attention away from trying to control another person’s thoughts and actions and toward his own capacity to choose love.
For Hanson, this does not mean pretending everything is fine or allowing mistreatment, but intentionally cultivating as much genuine compassion, warmth, and goodwill as feels authentically available.
Key Takeaways:
- Love can coexist with boundaries: Choosing love doesn’t require becoming passive or tolerating harmful behavior. Hanson describes combining warmth with self-respect and clear limits.
- Focus on what is within your control: Rather than becoming consumed by how another person should think, feel, or behave, Hanson suggests returning attention to your own ability to respond with compassion and goodwill.
- See the whole person: Becoming curious about another person’s stresses, worries, and longings can help widen our perspective beyond the behavior that is upsetting us and make compassionate feelings more accessible.
Rick Hanson offers small, simple practices for Resilience and Happiness
