Regret feels bad. But dismissing it entirely, as the popular #noregrets philosophy encourages, may be costing us more than we realize.
In this Happiness Hot Take, Laurie Santos draws on the science of regret to argue that what stings is often pointing us toward exactly what we value most and who we most want to be.
Key Takeaways:
- Regret Clarifies What Matters: The things that sting most are almost always the moments where we did not show up as the person we actually want to be. Rather than noise to silence, regret carries signal worth listening to.
- Inaction Outlasts Action: In the short run, we tend to feel worse about things we did that went wrong. Over time, the regrets that compound are almost always about what we did not do, the risks not taken, the words left unsaid, the paths not chosen.
- Self-Compassion Breaks the Loop: Beating yourself up over past choices tends to keep you stuck in rumination rather than moving forward. Self-compassion is not about excusing the past but about creating enough inner safety to learn from it.
- Talking Helps: One study found that spending fifteen minutes a day discussing regrets over four weeks led to higher life satisfaction and better overall well-being, suggesting that giving voice to regret, rather than suppressing it, is what allows it to shrink.
The Happiness Lab explores the latest scientific research and shares surprising and inspiring stories that challenge how we think about happiness. New episodes usually air every Monday.
